Tag Archives: Tap Out

May 20, 2013

Fear of Failure (with an excerpt from Dare Me)

By edevine

It’s commencement time. Students are graduating and moving on to higher education or into the workforce, and intelligent people have words of wisdom for them. The most prevalent I’ve heard is, “embrace failure.”

Michelle Obama most recently suggested this to high school students in Tennessee. And just last week I posted Neil Gaiman’s commencement speech to last year’s graduating class at Philadelphia’s University of the Arts, which has recently been turned into a book, Make Good Art. One I’m sure will find its way into many graduates’ hands.

I find the discussion interesting, this talk of failure and its ability to spur one on to better himself or herself. I agree with it, wholeheartedly. I have failed so many times, have made so many mistakes in so many ways that I now expect to struggle. I even advise my daughters with this wisdom: mistakes are normal.

Yet–and it’s a big yet–I am so very anxious of failing with Dare Me.

It’s not that Dare Me is going to rival Tap Out for morally offensive elements and I fear being labeled “amoral” or “immoral”. Rather, it’s that I know more about the industry this time around, just enough that I’m second-guessing every move.

Last week I blogged about my most recent conundrum: should I or shouldn’t I pay for a professional book trailer?

Really? This was even a question? Dare Me is focused on YouTube, daredevil culture. What other medium could possibly do better for promotion?

Word-of-mouth.

It’s the truth. Word-of-mouth, be it literally one person to the next, or virtually, on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, blogs, etc., is the number one way books get sold. And yes, it makes sense that marketing increases word-of-mouth, but no amount of marketing overshadows lack of engagement, lack of talk about a book.

So what do I do?

Behave like Joel Goodsen (Tom Cruise) in Risky Business when he meets with the college recruiter? You know the famous line. Or do I continue to worry relentlessly like Cameron Frye in Ferris Bueller’s? (Can’t resist the 80s movie references–sorry.)

I don’t know.

Part of me wants to turn off my brain and just take the plunge. Like I did when I started writing. No thought, just action. Part of me wants to analyze and be exacting. Chances are I’ll do a little of both.

I am afraid of failure, but I am equally afraid of not trying. I fall neatly into Seth Godin’s idea of anxiety: “I define anxiety as experiencing failure in advance.”

That is not the goal. Good writing, word-of-mouth spread, and true enjoyment of the process, is.

So in that spirit, as I’m figuring out what to do, let me give you a slice of Dare Me, not surprisingly, from a scene in which Ben, the protagonist, is afraid to jump, and equally afraid not to.

(Excerpt)

     I don’t have time to respond, because he’s at my elbow again and I’m standing and all is as it was before, except I’m more used to the blindfold. In fact, I’m glad I have it on, because I’m numb.

    “In five, four, three . . .”

    Ricky’s voice fades and I hop. For a moment, I feel nothing and wonder if I haven’t jumped far enough. But then I’m falling, the wind rushing by and my insides shaking. I remember to tighten up just before I hit.

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May 14, 2013

Amidst the Chaos

By edevine

These past two weeks have been insane for me, professionally, and personally. We had the JDRF Walk for my daughter, a spring concert, my eldest’s first communion, and, of course Mothers’ Day.

I held the cover reveal for Dare Me and dialed in on the last chapters of my Work In Progress. I’m two chapters out from what would be my 2015 title. Fingers crossed.

But amidst all this, last week, I got quite a surprise. For those of you who are members of my Facebook author page, you know the story. I apologize for the redundancy, but every good story bears repeating.

First, I posted this:

Received a tweet from a teacher this morning directing me to her review of Tap Out. Two things to love in her piece: 

1. That the kids WANTED to read the story.
2. That she read it AFTER they did. That takes courage with the content, but I applaud her for that.

Tap Out should not be the new literary standard, by any means, but as a gateway for readership… I’ll take it. Here’s the review.

Then, later on, I followed up with this post:

So the teacher who contacted me had another request after I responded to her tweet. Her class wanted to know the story of how Tap Out came to be. I had five minutes while I had lunch, so I typed the message below. 

She got back to me later in the day, thanking me for the message, as her students truly enjoyed the feedback and a moment with an author.
I am quite honestly the one who reveled the moment. To know your work has value, real, impacting value. Yeah, that’s what motivates me at 4 AM when I’d rather be sleeping.
Hope you all feel the same with the work you do:

(My message to the students):
Hey, Eric Devine here. So, my inspiration… I’m sure I have an articulate blog post on my site, but I can’t find it, so here’s the quick and dirty:

I teach in a school that had a number of students participating in MMA. I noticed them and realized that many had a similar background (impoverished, violent homes). I then considered what it would like to be one of them, but on an extreme level, where they had literally nothing, not even MMA as an outlet. What kind of life would that be?

Tony was born from that idea. I wanted a kid tough enough to withstand, but who has been beaten down long enough that he questions himself, what he can take and whether he should keep fighting.

I’ve witnessed a lot of kids like Tony (male and female) who are good people, but for whom life has not been kind. Some turn out well; most do not. Therefore, I wanted a good kid who’s been given a raw deal to suffer as much as anyone could, in order to see which way he would go.

I can honestly say I did not realize how it would all shake out, but I am happy with the fact that Tony made some choices that do not sit well with people. That lets me know I made it authentic. Real life rarely sits well at all times with all people.

Tap Out is not a story of my life turned fiction. I have witnessed poverty and extreme violence and insanity, but secondhand. I am not Tony, but I love him for all his flaws, and for his humanity. Because in the end, I believe there is hope for him.

Later, I messaged the teacher and she told me that the students were so awestruck that they demanded she give them all printouts of my response. Unreal.

But it’s also so validating, because I meant every word of that response, and to receive such feedback made my day on so many levels. It’s a tough job, writing. You have to fully commit, and must expect nothing. I’m there. I live that life, in the very odd, isolated way it can often feel. But then there are these moments, when all of it is worth it.

Not because of the money. Not because of the accolades or critical praise. But because some kid, somewhere is reading. And he or she is reading my book. And he or she loves it.

I did that. And I get the opportunity to continue to do that. Yes, that is awesome. And I’ll rough the chaos for that moment of order, whenever it materializes.

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April 29, 2013

That moment with your audience

By edevine

Every year I present to various schools that use my first novel, This Side of Normal, as a text within the Biology curriculum. I love these opportunities because I get to speak with teens I don’t work with, and have the opportunity to connect with them about storytelling. This past Friday I attempted this with an auditorium of freshman.

When I pulled up to Shaker High School I tweeted this:

Capture

Little did I know just how prophetic these words would be.

I know how checked out students can be on a Friday afternoon, and this group came in riled up and ready for the weekend. I watched the cliques form along the rows, saw the unimpressed looks, the phones out, the boredom.

This is a fear-inducing moment, that instant when you realize the story about to be told had better be one awesome experience or the next forty minutes are going to be painful for everyone. That “A game”? Yeah, bring it.

And so I did. My presentation is on Prezi, so score one there. I didn’t tell the kids to put their phones away, because that’s like asking them to hold their breath–it’s only going to last so long. Another score. Then I asked them to relax and let me entertain them before the weekend hit. They eased back, and I began.

I tell my story of realizing I have type 1, how I handled that at home and at school. I tell wacky stories and bounce around the room. Literally. And on this day I did so with more gusto than I would normally. And the audience was into it. They laughed at my jokes, answered questions when I asked, and overall had a good time.

Then came the true test–No, not the pitch for my other books, that came at the end. I cannot talk about diabetes without discussing my daughter, Kaygan*. However, this was the first time I did so in front of a room of strangers, of teenagers who wanted to be into the weekend.

I pulled up the slide with the following picture:

photo (11)

The room was silent as I explained. To their credit, this group of kids who had read my book, and may or may not have been interested in what I had to say, treated with reverence, what were, for me, some of the most difficult words I have ever uttered.

That was the moment. Not the one where I knew I had to earn this presentation, but the one where I knew they cared. Because, really, that’s what my presentation is about. Caring enough to share, to pay attention, and to tell powerful stories. They got it, and then I talked about Tap Out and gave them a sneak peek at Dare Me.

The presentation was nerve-wracking and painful and a little sad, but ultimately triumphant. Just like the novel they had all read. There’s something to that. And I have the freshman of Shaker High to thank. Here are a couple of their tweets to me:

Capture-1

Capture-2

Keep it classy, Blue Bison.

*For those of you who have followed Kaygan’s diagnosis and adjustment: she’s now on an insulin pump and doing very well. She’s the same diva, but with one exceptional accessory. 

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March 19, 2013

I Dare You to Help Me

By edevine

Last September through December was filled with signings and interviews and a release party for Tap Out. The signings were as expected, for the most part–at the library and at book stores. But also with the addition of my favorite, the signing at McGrievey’s.

Thematically, the release party at Legion Training Center was ideal. Signing copies of Tap Out in an MMA cage? Yeah, that works.

But this upcoming September, Dare Me will be released, and I want to make sure that I find the right venues to connect with people for whom Dare Me is an ideal fit. Therefore, I’m looking for suggestions.

Below is the premise of my novel, compliments of my editor. Please read and think about who would want to read this novel, what venues I should contact, and what you’d like to see for the release party.

I planned all of the events for Tap Out and realize I most likely missed something, because I had no outside input. I’d rather not do that again. So drop a suggestion, regardless of whether you’re from the area or beyond. I’ll gladly give you credit for the idea and a signed copy of the novel once it is available.

And now, thinking caps on:

When Ben Candido and his friends, Ricky and John, decide to post a YouTube video of themselves surfing on top of a car, they finally feel like the somebodies they are meant to be instead of the social nobodies that they are.

Overnight, the video becomes the talk of the school, and the boys are sure that their self-appointed senior year of dares will live in infamy. Every dare brings an increased risk of bodily harm, but Ben cannot deny the thrill and sense of swagger that come with it. The stakes become even more complex when a mysterious donor bankrolls their dares in exchange for a cut in the online revenue the videos generate. But at what point do the risk and the reward come at too high of a price?

Seriously, shoot me a suggestion in the comments, via the “Contact” form, on Facebook or Twitter. I appreciate any help.

dare me title

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March 11, 2013

In the middle of this…

By edevine

On 2/27, the day after my daughter was diagnosed with type 1, I was in the ICU with her when my phone chirped. Since we were in a lull, and I was mostly coherent, I checked what sounded like a tweet. Sure enough, here is what I saw:

Emma Tweet

Emma is one of my Running Press siblings. Her YA novel, CODA, set to release in a couple months, and the advanced reader copy I have is making its way around my classroom. The kids love it. Therefore, I felt it necessary to check this link, in spite of my surroundings.

I read, and found at the bottom of the post this question posed to Emma: 10. What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest?

She lists a number of things in response, and then adds some bumps for writers, including: “Eric Devine, my publisher/editor sibling, author of TAP OUT and the newly-announced DARE ME. I think he’s editing the latter right now, but if he has a minute I really want to know more about it.”

Now, here I was, in the hospital, my mind nowhere near writing or publishing, even though I was, indeed, in the middle of editing. But could I pass up this opportunity?

No. But at the same time, I’d yet perfected my elevator pitch of Dare Me. So what the heck could I do in 140 characters?

I flipped over one of the endless sheets of paperwork we’d received since Kaygan entered the hospital and I focused with all the creative energy I had for a few minutes and managed to come up with this:

tweet shot

I sent it off hoping for the best, praying I didn’t sound like an idiot, because Dare Me, while about all of these things, also has a wonderful undercurrent about family and friends and what we are willing to do for each other and how much we can sacrifice. And, as in all of my stories, there’s a search for one’s identity. But I couldn’t cram all of that into such a small description. And I didn’t have the time for multiple tweets. So there it went. And Emma replied:

emma response

That made me happy, and in that moment I needed a little happy.

Therefore, I sincerely thank Emma for providing an opportunity to speak about my work, which I just submitted the  last substantial edits for (fingers crossed). That means I’m moving into the fun territory of cover reveals and guest posts and all the promo that goes into launching a book. I am as excited as I was for Tap Out, but less scared. At least this time I know what to expect. That fear of the unknown always gets me.

And it’s fortunate that at this same time Kaygan is doing well. She’s responding beautifully to multiple injection therapy, and the paperwork is already complete for her insulin pump. Onward and upward.

And if there’s one bit of wisdom I’ve learned through this it’s that we are always in the middle of one thing when something else emerges. That’s life, and just something we must make room for.

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February 19, 2013

One project at a time?

By edevine

Sorry, I had to use a Tard image, because I love his grumpy face. Also, he answered the title question perfectly.

I am currently working on three projects, one of which I’ll provide a bit of a teaser for at the end, so keep reading. It seems insane to be working on three books at once, but it also is the only way to survive. I must be ahead of the curve and always prepared with new material. Plus, it’s a hell of a lot of fun to move form one intense world to the next. Here’s a peek at each.

First, my next novel, Dare Me, will be released in the fall by Running Press. I don’t have an exact date, but I do have a cover image (hint, hint). I have to complete at least one more pass of the manuscript based on my editor’s notes. Fingers crossed it’s only one. From inception to now, I’ve had two major passes that physically hurt. But the pain is worth it because the finished project, a story of YouTube daredevils going from daring to death-defying, will be fantastic. It is not as dark as Tap Out but the intensity remains. When it’s complete, I’ll offer some teaser excerpts.

Second, as I’m finishing up Dare Me, my agent is reading the novel I wrote this past summer and fall. It has a tentative title, and my first reader loved it. He was even surprised by the ending, which I think amazed both of us. But I cannot give away too much, because until my agent gives the green light, the manuscript is just that, not quite ready for the “novel” label.

Third, I am currently working on a novel that is far and away the largest departure from my comfort zone. Yet, also something I’ve always wanted to write. I’m researching as much as I’m writing and am having a great time watching this story come together. Here’s hoping I can see it through in the next couple of months.

Last year at this time I never would have thought I was going to be this far down the rabbit hole. But now, I find it to be the only place I want to be. I hope you continue to enjoy and share Tap Out, and I look forward to offering you more work so that you can continue.

*Teaser*

You made it this far, so here’s a tiny slice of the cover to Dare Me. Enjoy:

Dare Me excerpt

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February 5, 2013

Imagination

By edevine

I recently read an interview in which an author of Young Adult fiction was asked, “Why are you the only one who could have written this story?”

The implication of the question seems to be that this fictional tale is a metaphor for the author’s life, that her experiences (non-fiction) are simply being recast as fiction. I don’t like that notion. While author’s do draw from their own lives–I’m not arguing that we don’t–whatever happened to the element of imagination?

I’m currently reading Death, Dickinson and the Demented Life of Frenchie Garcia by Jenny Torres, and in the story is a scene where the protagonist (Frenchie)–a smoker–is asked to take a deep drag off a cigarette because another character (Andy) wants her to describe what she feels. He can’t get past the taste of cigarettes, but loves the idea of how it seems to feel so relaxing. Frenchie takes that drag and describes it as such:

And when you exhale, it’s like you’re letting everything go. Like the smoke scoops up all your worries and expels them from your body and they’re gone for that second.

Whether you’ve ever smoked or not, there’s a truth in those words, because you’ve seen others feel this way, or have felt this way yourself. Now, is Torres a smoker? Once was? Had a family member or friend who smoked? I don’t know and I don’t care. Because there is an honesty in those words, and that’s all that matters. Because that is the heart of storytelling: delivering a truth.

Truth comes to us in many ways. Through our lived or vicarious experiences, but also through our pure imagination.

In Tap Out I wrote many difficult scenes, because they were violent or vulgar or heartbreaking, and one of the worst is the scene where Tony attacks his mother. Both my agent and editor noted this scene with asterisks and questions in the margin. It’s as raw as they come.

I didn’t live like Tony, never saw such violence firsthand, or ever heard of something similar from others. I made it up. It’s pure imagination. I was close enough to Tony’s heart and soul, as if he were real, and so I knew what he would do. That’s all there is to it.

I don’t know what that says about me, or any other author who has the ability to go there. But it happens. And in beautiful ways as well. The Art of Racing in the Rain comes to mind, and The Life of Pi, as do so many other titles.

So, for me, had I been that author, I might have said, “I don’t know that I am the only one. I think I’m fortunate to know what I know, and to use that in writing, but to also have the wherewithal, the imagination, to fill in the blanks as necessary.”

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January 31, 2013

Tap Out and the 2013 Quick Picks for Reluctant Young Readers

By edevine

Hey, here’s just a quick post in case you missed this on twitter or facebook. Tap Out made the cut for YALSA’s 2013 Quick Picks for Reluctant Young Readers. In essence, this means that librarians feel if you are looking for a title for a teen, who doesn’t like to read, the books on this list might be a great place to start. The titles are as diverse as the readers who will find them and love them. I am thrilled to have Tap Out on the list, because I believe it is a perfect fit, and the chance of librarians and teens finding this title is that much greater. I’m still holding out hope for an at-risk teen connection, and possibly that may arise from this as well.

I would also like to thank Running Press for putting the support needed behind my work so that librarians knew of its existence and had the opportunity to examine its value. And of course thank you to the librarians who nominated and then voted for Tap Out. Your work is important and I am glad to be a part of it.

Thank you.

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January 28, 2013

ALA Midwinter Anxiety

By edevine

ALA-2013_horz_banner

I’m anxious. It’s not cabin fever, in spite of how cold it has been, but rather I’m uneasy because of ALA Midwinter.

I so enjoyed my time at ALA Anaheim over the summer, I am envious of what I know is an absolute blast for the authors, librarians and publishing industry employees. Especially for the authors. I am jealous of the atmosphere, the camaraderie, the readers, fans and immersion in everything BOOKS, that when I check the #alamw13 feed, I so want to be there.

But I’m happy for those who are there, especially the authors from Running Press. I know for some they are having that first experience that I had, and it is well deserved. So I can find the silver lining, and that is good. But then there’s how I feel about the YALSA Quick Pick List for Reluctant Young Adult Readers.

Tap Out is on it, along with, I believe, 100+ others. After the voting today, how much would I like to see my work on the top ten? I’m not sure how to quantify such desire. Not the same as how bad I wanted to get published, but on par with how much I desired positive reviews. And sales. But that’s the thing, being on the top ten would affect both reviews and sales. So there’s that, and the unbelievable recognition.

And the quick pick list isn’t even close to the big show of the Caldecott, Coretta Scott King Book Awards, Newbery, Printz, William C. Morris and more. I cannot imagine how those nominees feel. I hope they are anxious, because I would be a knotted mess.

But, in all sincerity, it is awesome that Tap Out is even on anyone’s radar. There are so many unbelievable YA books that I am lucky to have been noticed and considered. I am thankful and grateful, but also expectant. I believe this is just my nature. I strive, succeed and then strive some more.

I don’t believe it’s an inherently poor way to live, but it is one that keeps me on edge, keeps me anxious and keeps me wanting more–from myself.

So fingers crossed, here’s hoping. And if not, it’s all good. There’s always next year.

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January 23, 2013

The Only Constant

By edevine

under construction2013 has gotten off to a rocky start. There was the flu I am still recovering from, and most recently, a boiler and fireplace that are acting up, kitchen cabinets that are snapping their hinges and putting holes in the wall, and a stained hutch that looked better in the mind’s eye than in the light. Quite simply, my house is a mess and I don’t have the wherewithal to fix it, because I’m still recovering, and yeah, still writing. A lot.

I am currently waiting on edits from both my agent and my editor for two separate projects, and I’ve just begun a third. One that requires extensive research. For the most part research isn’t something I’ve had to go out of my way to complete. I work with teenagers. I’m equal parts field researcher and educator. Tap Out did require a fair amount of gym time, interviews, and hours on YouTube, but where I’m going requires a fair amount of people opening their hearts and their lives to me. I will be much more intrusive and not nearly as passively observant.

And I feel ridiculous taking this on, considering how in shambles things are for me. But if I wait for the right time to move ahead, to stretch my capabilities, that time will never materialize. The one constant I’ve found in writing is that I have to say yes. In spite of everything else, say yes, and then write it. Because if it’s what my heart desires, then I have to feed that emotion. It doesn’t always work well, but it fulfills a need and a purpose that serve a greater end, one that even I only vaguely understand.

Trust me, I spend a significant amount of time behaving just the opposite. I live a regimented, disciplined life, plotting out piece by piece, not to dissimilarly than a novel. But this world is not under my control, and rare is it that I have a chance to follow a whim. That is why, amidst the ridiculousness that is my life, I reach out to people, I write and I write and I write. It is cathartic and it is a bit of therapy. It allows me to explore and learn and grow. It is easy to stagnate, and writing keeps me fresh and vibrant.

Regardless of the superstition I feel over the fallout of 2013, I’ll get over it. In no time I’ll be in my groove, the house will be in order and I’ll laugh about the rocky road the beginning of this year has been. But I’ll get to do that because I’ve looked past the immediate to what lies beyond, and I feel it’s phenomenal. It will take a hell of a lot of work to get there. But I cannot think of anything worthwhile that didn’t require such.

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